Watching My Child Become An Adult

I clung to my daughter’s hand and helplessly watched as tears flowed down her face. My heart ached for her. Twenty years old. Thirty weeks pregnant. Distraught over her living situation. This isn’t the way things were supposed to go.

We moved back to Colorado so we could be an encouragement and support for our daughter and her husband as we anticipate the arrival of our first grandchild. Our living situation doesn’t provide a way for us to offer her a place to reside. Sometimes I wonder if the assistance would even be helpful, or would it simply delay the inevitable? Different choices need to be made for lasting positive results.

And, it’s hard to rely on your parents once you’ve taken that giant leap into the adult world. It’s not easy being grown up. It’s even harder when you’re now a grown-up who has to take care of another little person very soon.

Time stops for no one. In eight weeks, a precious baby boy will enter this world and the parent-child relationship will start once again. This unique bond since the beginning of life on earth is a sacred gift from God.

I think back to being twenty. I was in my own apartment. Living on cup of noodles for lunch and boxed pasta dinners. Forget breakfast. Forty hours of work and fifteen hours of school left little time for extras. Add in the car payment, insurance, phone, utilities, and I think I broke even.

It’s a miracle I made it. I can’t imagine being 20 and expecting my first child. My mind goes blank at the thought. That would simply be too much for me to handle.

And yet, God gave my 20-year-old daughter a baby. I believe she will be an amazing mother. I know she wants what is best for her child and I believe she will make the sacrifices every parent must make when raising a child. It won’t be easy. It won’t be pretty for a while. But I believe it will be good.

Time heals many wounds. While my heart may long to help my daughter in so many ways, I must let God do His work in my child’s heart. There is a work here that I dare not interfere with. My daughter needs her Savior more than she needs me, more than she needs friends or family to come to her rescue. She needs Jesus – the one Who loves her most of all – to settle her distraught heart.

I take a moment to pray over my little girl, sobbing in my arms. I ask for peace and wisdom. It is a scary time to not know where one will be living. I grieve that she doesn’t accept our ideas right now, and I repeatedly remind her that we will love her no matter what she chooses.

I moved out when I was 19. On Christmas day – it was my only day off from work. Looking back, I know that must have been terribly hard on my mom. It was never my intention to hurt her, just my desire to make it on my own. I needed space and I needed to learn some lessons separate from my parent.

Time teaches us a lot. I learned just how hard it is to make it by yourself in a fast-paced, unforgiving, real world filled with so many distractions. I learned what it was like to succumb to entertainment and pleasure, and know that these things weren’t good for me in the long run. It didn’t stop me from pursuing my personal endeavors, at first. It took an act of God to turn my heart in the right direction.

It took many more years to heal from my past and my own foolish choices. I sit here today a redeemed woman. Life still carries plenty of difficulties. But I’m not trying to solve them all on my own anymore. I admit, I am weak. I need help. I can’t do it all.

My prayer is that my daughter will come to that special place too. The place where she realizes that her way of doing things isn’t working because it neglects to recognize the truths held within God’s word for us. There are so many things He wants to teach us, if only we would listen. I miss the mark often, but when I do actually catch a glimpse of truth and act upon it, I am blessed beyond measure.

Dear Daughter, I am so sorry for missing the mark in the parent-child relationship. There is only one Perfect Parent. He loves you more than anyone. If you ask, He will help you. Life won’t be a fairy tale like the movies show us, but it will be filled with peace and joy amidst the trials that are inescapable. With Him, you will have the strength to endure anything. Love, Mom.