Child of God

I'm thirty-six years old and I still struggle with my identity in Christ. One day I am on-fire-excited that I am a child of God, fearfully and wonderfully made in His image, and then the next day I can find myself lost and confused.

A battle rages in my mind. Enemy forces remind me I was abandoned by my earthly father, rejected by man, and set up for failure. Throw in a few statistics from the world and my future looks bleak. Then my Savior lovingly reminds me that nothing can separate me from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:39).

While this war continues day after day, I must decide which side I am on. Some days I find myself wallowing in self-pity, or agreeing with the negative thoughts. On those days, I lack motivation and productivity. It's like I've been taken captive and no matter how hard I wrestle I can't get out of the barracks.

I'm trapped.

When I arrive at this place of defeat, I need a rescue operation that will literally carry me away from the schemes of the enemy. I need Someone who can enter this dark world with me, but not be affected by its dark forces. I need Jesus Christ.

How does a little child know her value unless someone shows her what she is worth? How does the girl learn that she is loved and precious without the presence of a father?

Praise Jesus, He does not ignore the little children. In fact He says, "Let the little children come to me." (Matthew 19:14) I believe every child wants to know they are loved and accepted. This truth can be hard to grasp when earthly parents fail to show compassion and concern for their children.

It is not impossible though.

At twelve years old, I admitted my defeat. I was alone, rejected, lost, abandoned, forsaken. I could not carry on one more day living like an orphan. While I had a mom who did her best to show me love, she was exhausted from caring for three young children and trying to put food on the table.

Since I had no earthly father, I asked God to be my Father. I begged Him to take care of me and help me through my life. It was hard when I could not see Him, but I chose to believe He was there, and He met me. I was filled with comfort even though nothing in my circumstances changed.

I still stressed about school, peers, having enough to eat, and worried about someone coming to take us away. These fears haunted me and I begged God to keep us safe. I felt His presence even though I didn't always like His answers. Hardships continued. My relationships with others suffered.

Becoming a teen was not easy. Hormones, competition, and way too many mixed messages assaulted me. I thought being a child was hard, but becoming a young adult brought new challenges.

The biggest ones in my thought life.

Am I good enough? Do I have what it takes? Will I make it? I'm damaged goods. Who will want me? What will I do with my life? Does it matter? Does anyone care about me?

Knowing God was with me and knowing Him personally through His word are two different things. I needed truth. More than a spoonful each week. I needed to get deep into God's word with a shovel.

It would take years before I realized what was vital to grow in my faith. At twenty-four I was baptized and that holy-scripture-fire finally penetrated my soul. I couldn't put the Word down. Co-workers gave me odd looks. Family didn't understand the difference. Even some church members were confused by my new direction walking by faith.

Over the years, I've come to realize that the being saved by Christ doesn't stop enemy attacks. It does, however, give me authority to come against those nasty spiritual assaults. More specifically, the ones targeted against my mind.

For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 ESV.

I must take the lies captive and make them obey Christ.

I recently made a list of all the lies the enemy likes to toss my way. Most of them every day! I found scripture that denounces each lie and proclaims God's truth over my life. Now I must choose to practice capturing the lie and refuting it with the truth. Over and over.

Here are some examples.

Lie: I am alone.

Truth: For the Lord will not forsake his people; he will not abandon his heritage; Psalm 94:14 ESV.

Lie: I am not special.

Truth: Now therefore, if you will indeed obey my voice and keep my covenant, you shall be my treasured possession among all peoples, for all the earth is mine; Exodus 19:5 ESV.

Lie: I'll never be successful.

Truth: For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10 ESV.

For many of the lies, I found three or more scriptures to refute them. The more truth in my arsenal, the smaller the lie becomes and the easier it is to defeat. The more I repeat this process, the better I feel about myself and my purpose here on earth.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2 NIV.

Today, was one of my greatest breakthroughs yet.

I was reading Isaiah 43, which the prophet is writing to the children of Israel but applies to all who make the Lord their God. I was amazed what happened when I read the scriptures with my name in them.

But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O [Golden], he who formed you, O [Golden]: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you [Golden]; I have called you [Golden] by name, you [Golden] are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you [Golden]; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you [Golden]; when you [Golden] walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you [Golden]. 3 For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. 4 Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you [Golden], I give men in return for you [Golden], peoples in exchange for your life [Golden]. 5 Fear not, for I am with you [Golden]; I will bring your offspring from the east, and from the west I will gather you. 6 I will say to the north, Give up, and to the south, Do not withhold; bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the end of the earth, 7 everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”

I couldn't stop crying as I listened to God's truth spoken over me. God created me. He formed me. He has redeemed me. He has called me. I am His. He is with me. I do not have to be overwhelmed. Even when I walk through fire I won't get burned. I will not be consumed. I am precious, honored, and loved. I have been bought for a price (God's only Son on a cross). I was created for God's glory!

My Father does want me. I'm His child.

Is He your Father too?