New Home, But No Change

Where did people get the idea that just because you bring children home from a bad situation, that they would automatically become healed in the new home? Where did we get such an idea?

Love heals. Love makes a way. Love is enough.

When we brought our kids home, we too thought our love would be enough. Respond in kindness every time, and eventually we will get kindness in return. Teach them new ways and habits, and eventually those habits will stick. Provide for every physical need and eventually the fear of having nothing will disappear. Stick with showing love, and eventually that love will be returned.

Oh, what fools we were.

There is so much more under the surface. Biological ties. Strongholds. Iniquities of the father passed onto the next generation. The depth and layers of spiritual depravity is more than we can fathom most days.

The strongholds created from the trauma we have suffered throughout our lives can take years to overcome. Yes, Jesus can heal in a moment. But if we don't know what we need healing from, it can take a little while longer to get to the root pulling us back to our habit or hangup. We need to ask Him to help us identify the places that are holding us back from living in the freedom provided by Jesus blood shed on the cross at Calvary.

How do we do this?

Father, I am weak and lost. I do not know why the same issues keep coming up in my life over and over again. But You know where they come from and why they show up when they do. Please help me see the truth, that I may lay these sins down and submit them over to Christ.

It takes a highly motivated individual to pursue this type of healing when life has been comfortable and manageable living in our sinful state. It is easy to ignore the other stuff when we have entertainment, recreational drugs, and social media to distract us. These things may not last, but they work for a while.

And our kids have access to lots of these activities whether we like it or not.

Children do not become healed when they enter another sinful home, and that's all homes just to be clear. They obtain healing when they accept Jesus sacrifice for their sins and choose to live a life in obedience with God's word. The same goes for the rest of us.

So why is that child still throwing a tantrum after I've gently and compassionately loved him year after year? She learned the wrong way to respond and is stuck in that wrong response until A) someone teaches the child how to respond differently, B) the child accepts and practices this new response, and C) all sin related to this response has been set before Jesus. He brings the ultimate healing which motivates us to change our behavior.

I consider this in regards to my own behavior. How many times do I go back down the path of fear, self-reliance, and control? I must examine my heart. What is tugging it towards this sinful behavior? Where did I accept a lie (most likely during my childhood) and learn a sinful response to it? The responses I've used have become habits and I must take all the same steps listed above in order for things to change.

I need to sit in that realization for a moment. Am I trying to teach my kids to do something I have not done myself?

These are hard questions for an adoptive parent who has poured out their heart to love and meet all the needs of their children. It's hard to swallow. I will not be able to assist my kids in their healing journey if I have not worked on my own.

I still have a long ways to go.