The Decision to Walk by Faith

Six months ago we had a pivotal decision to make. We were either going to trust God and move forward with a road trip into the unknown, or turn to complacency and the "security" that comes from doing nothing. It was a difficult time.

"I feel like the decisions we make now, at this point in life, will affect the rest of our lives," I told my husband during one of our many after dinner conversations. "We either take a risk again and take the steps towards full-time travel, or we settle for a life of comfort and ease."

In our fourteen years of marriage, we have made a few life altering decisions. Each decision required a little more faith than the last one. Each decision had a variety of hardships, and each time the hardships increased in intensity. Yet we survived. Not in our own strength, but by God's mighty hand at work around us. We would not be where we are without Him.

"I'd be okay if God doesn't want to stretch us for a while."

Like me, my husband was tired of the constant demands of parenting children with difficult histories. The few beautiful memories we had with our kids were tainted by the constant therapy sessions, court hearings, working with crisis response teams and the Department of Human Services. When we signed up to adopt our children, we thought we would be free of the foster care system and the demands set forth by a bureaucracy. This was not our case.

"I'm scared too, but I'm more scared of settling."

Despite our difficult parenting journey, I finally liked the person I had become because of it. As a result of my own childhood trauma, by nineteen I was a self-centered individual who just wanted her own needs met. My solution was to outperform everyone around me so that it got me the attention I so desperately desired after not growing up with a father.

Today, I am more sensitive to other hurting people around me. I can relate to the mom who has invested countless hours into helping her special needs child. I can listen to the painful stories and not be shocked by what I hear. I can sit with another woman and pray for her aching heart because I know that feeling. I understand the rejection, the agony, the chaos, the exhaustion.

When I was nineteen, I just wanted to be left alone. I didn't want to do anything hard, like deal with my emotions. I wanted to do life in my own strength. While I did accomplish many things, I had very little rest or peace in the process. The worldly pursuits were just as exhausting, and less satisfying. Nothing was ever good enough. There was always more money to make, sales to increase, programs to promote to customers.

At 23 when I left for a missions trip to Alaska, I had no idea the direction our lives would take after that experience. I returned uninterested in my worldly pursuits and knew God must have something for me to accomplish on earth that mattered. That led me to broadcasting school with a desire to share the gospel via film.

Before I graduated, my husband had a similar experience when he returned from a camp for abused and neglected children. After spending a week laughing and playing with children who had suffered trauma, he no longer wanted to live in pursuit of toys. He said he would rather sell everything and return to camp.

A few years later, we adopted three children. We learned how to live sacrificially and to love those who push you away at times. Then we learned how to let go of our security blankets. We sold our first house - the one we thought we would grow old in - and Matt left his profession of fifteen years to move to a small mountain town.

We learned so many lessons in Westcliffe. How to rest and be quiet. How to be humble and kind. How to respond to slander and false accusations. How to trust God to provide in every circumstance. How to remain calm in scary moments. How to be neighborly.

The lessons did not come easy. We paid a price for obedience. We have been rewarded with a stronger marriage and bigger faith. We have a greater knowledge of the effects of childhood trauma and America's court system. We have compassion for those in distress.

I understood why my husband was hesitant to go through another "faith" test. However, he also didn't want to stay at his current job forever. We both knew it would no longer make sense to live in our five bedroom, three bath, house after our kids were all moved out. We needed to make some decisions about our future. It was time to sell our winter items and Christmas stuff if we were going to do so.

"God provided when we moved from Lakewood to Westcliffe. He will provide in the future." We made the decision to move forward. A long road trip seemed to be the next direction God was leading. We have been taking steps in that direction ever since.

Are you in the middle of a big decision? One that might impact the trajectory of your life? It isn't easy stepping out in faith. It requires much prayer and courage.

May you hear from the Lord today regarding your next steps.