The Gift of Special Needs Children

When our trio arrived at our home ten years ago, they appeared to us like normal children. Not that we had any understanding as to what was "normal". But there was nothing of a physical nature to tell us they would need extra support in life, at least not right away.

You could say the first "symptoms" we noticed were behavioral. It is not natural for kids to want to hurt themselves intentionally. The second symptoms were cognitive. Getting schoolwork done should not be a daily nightmare. Having to write one's name on a paper should not result in a tantrum that steals the entire afternoon. Last, we noticed some physical interference that fell under the radar for many years. Children learn how to compensate for their deficiencies very well.

None of these symptoms made us love our children any less, in fact, their struggles spurred us on to help them more effectively. We could have hidden under a rock and ignored some of the challenges, but we chose to find solutions instead. The knowledge that our children were working double-time to compensate for their shortcomings (many of which were developmental and behavioral) inspired us to work on our own shortcomings as parents.

We worked with behavioral therapists, speech therapists, occupational therapists, and the like. We did music therapy, play therapy, EMDR, and neurofeedback. One of our kids had corrective foot surgery three times. One child had braces to remove his teeth from the roof of his mouth.

All the above mentioned services took place in the span of six years. Two of those years were spent driving a minimum of 120 miles per trip, often 2-4 times per week. If you were wondering why we are going on a long road trip pre-retirement, now you know. Caring for a special needs child is exhausting. And exhilarating!

According to Care.com, there are four main categories of special needs:

• Physical - multiple sclerosis, allergies and asthma, juvenile arthritis, leukemia, muscular dystrophy, epilepsy.

• Developmental - Down syndrome, autism, dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, dyspraxia, aphasia or dysphasia, auditory processing disorder, visual processing disorder.

• Behavioral/emotional - obsessive compulsive disorder, dissociation, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, depression, attention deficit (hyperactivity) disorder, bipolar.

• Sensory-impaired - blindness, deaf or limited hearing, visually impaired.

You have probably met or know someone in each of the categories above. When I was in high school, a blind girl with a voice that could move mountains, gave an outstanding performance in the Sound of Music as one of the nuns. I bet you can guess which song she sang.

Climb Every Mountain.

Others who have climbed mountains include Beethoven, Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, Helen Keller, Walt Disney, and Nick Vujicic (Life Without Limbs). In fact, the show called Born This Way features seven down syndrome adults and how they are successfully living their lives. While assistance is needed in some situations, these delightful men and women are bringing light and joy to a dark and hurting world.

That is what special needs children can do in our lives and for those around them. They can teach us where we fall short, and turn us towards the joy of knowing we are all precious in God's sight.

When you parent a special needs child, every accomplishment is a reason to celebrate. Moving often, our children did not learn things that we take for granted. For example, table manners. It took months for us to train our 8, 9, and 10-year-olds to chew with their mouths closed, use a fork and knife properly, and say "please" and "thank you". We rewarded ourselves in a big way by going to a Japanese Hibachi Grill, where we each made a giant mess practicing with chopsticks!

Other accomplishments to celebrate included re-learning multiplication facts (which took an hour a day for three months), finishing one sentence on a homework sheet, not hitting oneself, walking to the pool alone, being kind to a sibling, and learning how to cook.

We have had thousands of things to celebrate in our kids' lives. But perhaps the most special are the moments when they themselves realize that they were created to accomplish great things here on earth. They were made to be a blessing to others.

About a blind man, the disciples once asked Jesus, "Who sinned? This man or his parents?" Jesus corrected their shortsightedness, "Neither, but that the works of God might be displayed in him."

Since we are all born into sin, and we all have shortcomings, this means every person has the potential for the works of God to be displayed in them. Some of us just happen to be born with deficiencies that are recognizable from birth. Others develop special needs over many years. All of us are in need of a Restorer.

When Nick Vujicic was a kid, he begged God to give him arms and legs. His desperation turned into agony until he thought the only way out was to commit suicide. His attempt was futile and he lived to recognize the truth: God was not ready to give him the miracle he longed for, but rather He made Nick "the miracle" for others. Today, Nick has spoken to millions of people worldwide and watched thousands accept Christ as their Savior.

Perhaps you have been discouraged recently by your child's diagnosis. Maybe you just got some news from the doctor that causes you to question your child's quality of life. Perhaps you wonder about your own quality of life now that you will be taking care of your child longer than you expected. Maybe you feel like you have had your dreams shattered.

It's okay to grieve. It's okay to recognize that this is not the way you pictured your life, or your child's life. Take some time to pour out your heart to God. He will walk you through your new normal. He will show you how to minister to your child, and just you wait, your child will bless you more than you ever thought possible.

Once you realize the gift you have been given, you won't want to let it go.