Why Saying Goodbye Can Be Really Hard

We just finished our last day of work at Warm Beach. Three weeks have passed in a blur of potlucks, game nights, and weekend adventures. Now it is time to say goodbye.

Matt and I meet the two other Sower couples in front of our RVs, lined up near the volunteer center. We can see the empty lean-to where the men helped build, roof, and paint Santa’s train station huts. Just through the trees, I can see snowflakes lined up against a tree. They are surrounded by reindeer, Christmas trees, and women working on checking every bulb on every string.

We form a circle, holding hands as we pray for traveling mercies. We end our time with a sweet tune, known as the Sower’s Song. I smile as I remember the time when we sang it at lightning speed one morning before the volunteer coordinator walked through the door to greet us.

Last, we exchange hugs. We don’t know when we will see the couple departing in a few minutes. We’ve enjoyed two projects with them so far. The other couple we will meet again soon. We are signed up for the same projects in Texas and Colorado.

We linger long enough to see the giant fifth wheel navigate the tight road. I’m impressed by how easy the driver makes it look.

Matt and I retreat back to our simple home. We don’t know what to do right now. It’s so hard to say goodbye. It feels like we are saying goodbye all the time as we travel. We are learning that this lifestyle – traveling full-time – requires many goodbyes.

I used to dread watching the people I love leave.

It all started when I was four years old. There was a short season where my mom was not allowed to take care of me and my two younger siblings. While we stayed in a house full of strangers (foster care), I wondered if I would get to see her again.

She was granted permission to nurse my baby brother once a day. This allowed us to see her, but it also required a goodbye at the end of our time together. I still remember watching her back as she walked away from the house day after day.

Fortunately, my mom did get us back. By this time, my dad was out of the picture and we learned how to live a new life together. For a while.

At nine years old, my mom felt it was best to move us from one state to another. I said goodbye to friends, family, and a house I loved. We never returned.

From a young age, I told myself that people were not trustworthy. Basically, I couldn’t trust them to stay a part of my life. I believed they would always leave, and that there was nothing I could do to make them stay. But I sure did try.

I’m so thankful God sent me a man who was as determined and stubborn as me. Together we have learned how to trust each other, and more importantly, trust the Lord to take care of us when things don’t work out the way we hope.

Perhaps harder than seeing my mom walk away day after day, was seeing my child walk away.

When our middle child was thirteen, his behavior reached a level that told me deep down inside I couldn’t handle it anymore. But I fought this feeling. I desperately wanted my child to know and experience the love I had for him. I knew if he would accept this love, things could change. Our lives could get better.

You can’t make someone accept your love for them. God gave us a free will. We get to choose if we accept His sacrifice for us, or not. It doesn’t make the love go away, but it does cause the giver to grieve when it’s rejected.

My heart broke the day our son left our home, never to return. Despite our pursuit to reunite, it never happened, and today we have little contact. None of this changes my love for my child, or that I pray for his healing and future often.

"Goodbyes" can be hard. But "hellos" are awesome!

Without hello, how would I ever get to experience love and fellowship? I’ve learned that not everyone leaves. Some may come and go. I may lose contact with others. Facebook has made a way for us to keep track of everyone no matter where we go.

Saying “hello” is worth the “goodbye”. There will be more Sower projects. More new friends. We will work together for a season and then go our separate ways, both fulfilling God’s plan for our lives.

I’m so excited for the day when we will all be together in eternity, worshiping our Savior and continuing the fellowship we began at different Sower projects. Until we meet again, let’s keep rolling wherever God leads us.